TwistedMindlessness

UNLEASHED RAGE!

2009-10-06T05:10:00.000-07:00

AS OF AUG 31-I REALIZED U CAN KNOW SOMEONE AND NOT KNOW THEM AT THE SAME TIME, WHEN U NEED SOMEONE MOST THAT'S WHEN THEY LEAVE U OUT TO DRY. U CAN NEVER TRUST SOMEONE U JUST MEET AND I MAY HAVE LEARNED THAT THE HARD WAY. I REGRET WHAT I DID AND WHO IT WAS WITH AND I WISH I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND TAKE BACK THAT KISS ON THAT HOT SUMMER DAY ON UR COUCH. I CAN TELL SO DO U. SO WHY NOT BE A 'WO'MAN AND TELL ME! I'M TIRED OF BEING UR DIRTY BITCH U MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A 5 DOLLAR WHORE, WHO'D OPEN THERE LEGS FOR MORE THAN JUST THE WHOLE SCHOOL...BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP THAT FACT THAT I WENT BACK TO YOU OR THAT I'M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU TO THIS VERY DAY! BUT YOU'D NEVER LOOK MY WAY FOR THE 3RD TIME :(

realization

2009-09-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

If i were to tell u i was in love,

what would u say?

I can't get her out of my mind!

every time i look at our pictures,

my stomach goes in knots.

But how do i tell her this,

when we're not even talking?

All i want is to be with her again,

for my birthday!

Just one kiss, or hug,

i just want the return of my love

Can someone help me!

Don't forget by Demi Lovato

2009-03-22T18:30:00.001-07:00

Did you forget

That I was even alive

Did you forget

everything I had

Did you forget

About me

Did you regret (did you regret)

Ever standing by my side

Did you forget (did you forget)

What we were feeling inside

Now I’m left

To forget

About us

But somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song

You can’t forget it

So now I guess

This is where we have to stand

Did you regret

Ever holding my hand

Never again

Please don’t forget

Don’t forget

We had it al

lWe were just about to fall

Even more in love

Than we were before

I won’t forget

About us

But somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song

You can’t forget it

Somewhere we went wrong

We were once so strong

Our love is like a song

You can’t forget it at all

And at last, all the pictures have been burned

And all the past, is just a lesson that we’ve learned

I won’t forget, please don’t forget

Somewhere we went wrong

Our love is like a song

But you won’t sing along

You’ve forgotten about us

Don’t forget

My feelings

2009-03-02T03:32:00.000-08:00

This video was made yesterday i was alittle upset and made it i give a shotout to a friend and show some actually emotions besides dark

Feb 14th

2009-02-13T23:04:00.000-08:00

Probally the stupidest day to my knowledge
it is just a way for card and flower and candy companies to make a huge profit
what is the point of it
U say i love u to ur 'beloved' ever other day what the fuck makes this day so fucking important.
U may say i'm bitter because i'm single(thanks to whatsherface)
But still it's just another day on the calendar
However everyone saves there money to do a special event for that special someone
The dark and beautiful side to V-day is, that breakup's happen to
Bittersweet as it may be on valentine's day it isn't perfect
So the holiday needs to get the fuck over itself and stop making everyone so crazy

Inner Pain Leads to this

2009-02-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

(this was copy and pasted not mine as much as i wanna claim it)

...before you make that first cut remember: You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep, And will heal easily ... They will get deeper. They will scar. They will sometimes take months to heal. And years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body, Think again... It will spread when you run out of skin. Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live .... You will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt, or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched. Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up cutting. And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep." And you freak out because the blood won't stop... And you are gasping.... And you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone. So you sit there alone... Praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far again... But you will, and further. Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER. And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get. You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy. You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order. Butterfly strips... 3 or four different kinds of dressings... Betadine.... Antibiotic cream.. Medical tape.. Scar reducers..... You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice... Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies... Someone who understands but of course that never happens. Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe... Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots... gloves.. the list goes on and on. You will start looking at everyone in a different way... Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI... Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone. You wont even think about it .. As your eyes scan their wrists + arms... Hoping just hoping they will be like you.... But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone. You will start doing a lot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood.. Scrubbing your bathroom floor... Wiping the blood of your keyboard... You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.... Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies. When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen. Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something. Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you. Get ready to itch. Because you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease." You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.. You will dream about cutting... you will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting... At the same time, you love it and can't live with out it...

2009-01-17T15:53:00.001-08:00

Heats rising off my body
My heart's pounding harder and harder
I'm ready to just it all
i dont know what to do
There's noone to help me
And whoever tries makes it worst
And now im sitting here fuckin cryin
I give up

2009-01-15T17:42:00.000-08:00

I want to take kira and slash her against my wrist
maybe that makes me emo
but it feels right to me
i get intense pleasure from the feel of steel
to my delicate wrist

it would be hidden under rubber bands
Haha if only half the people knew
what i could really do behind closed doors
if only they watched

nicotine and weed
What a beautiful combination
Virgin and not eating
Makes for a pretty slut

Doesn't it?

Nov-24-08

2008-11-24T15:59:00.000-08:00

i'm sitting inside my house with my new laptop and nce again he's drunk and i don't like it or i think he's drunk and if he's not god help me. we are leaving to greenbackville virginia and i'm going to miss my baby so much. i don't understand what is happening to me family one minute were really happy almost sickening and yet when my dad picked up that pee colored water he broke the picture perfect family. my mom cries i rebel and my sisters never here what happened to this loving family

Perfection? Disaterpiece!

2008-11-13T09:05:00.000-08:00

No one is perfect.
I'm no one

Calling me perfect is a sin
And i'm a living sin

I make a lot of mistakes
And i almost lost you today babe

I'm sorry for everything i said
And the heart ache i inflicted babe

drunken mistake

2008-11-13T09:02:00.000-08:00

I hate your guts
YOu don't even care about your family
Why did you start this
Do you see the tears that are shed when you put the can to your lips
The anger we feel when your around and in that state
Haven't you escaped death more then once
Do you not want to live
I'm embrassed to call you my dad
I hate what you've become
Oh happy birthday becasue i couldn't say it last night
Becasue you were to f***en drunk

it's me again

2008-09-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting here in lindsays house bored out of my mind but its being with her. She's mega cool. So since the last time i got my hair colored-candy apple red and i have a girlfriend-tiffany she has piercing she roxs....So anyways i'm turning this into my personal diary for all to see because i think i like writing in a diary a bit more than in a book. So get us to this...bye for now...*kisses*

L.O.S.T C.O.S.T.

2008-08-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

L is for loneliness what i feel whenever my lips touch yours

O is for how opposite we truly are

S is for the smirk i show whenever you say "i love you"

T is for the thoughts of suicide i have ever night

C is for the crying that puts me to sleep

O is for how obvious you are to my aching heart

S is for the scars on my wrist

T is for TO BE CONTINUED

DEATH

2008-08-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

The only word that seems to describe me

The only way i see myself

The only way to survive this confusing world

If i remain lost then i can't be hurt

If i stay lost I'll never bother anyone again

If i stay lost i can die in painful bliss

Kira is the only relieve i have left

Kira is my best friend

Kira is my trusted sliver blade

Now i can feel no pain

Now i'm died to those around me

Now in hell i can live my painful bliss

It won't be too hard to forget about me

Scream, Cut, Die

2008-08-18T17:43:00.000-07:00

Sitting in my dark empty corner.
I noticed the black tears fall onto my white skirt.
The coldness in my heart

I want to scream.
I want to cut my wrist
I want to die

The cobwebs collect in the creases of the wall
The blade abandoned on the floor
All i have is this laptop yo write my anger out

I want to scream
I want to cut my wrist
I want to die

Relationship

2008-06-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

What is the point in a pity thing such as a relation. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with liking someone to hug and kiss. But for someone that doesn't like the idea of being tied down(like myself) Why do you even try. It leads to heart ache sometimes. Most people can not handle it and every time they see there ex. A tugging ache in your heart happens. Why bother with it is my true opinion. You can just have friends with benefits or fuck buddies. But you have to be strong enough to do this. You can't feel down on yourself. You can't have regrets and you can't do something your not willing to do. You are the boss of yourself whatever happens in life and just hope you make the right choose when the time for love shows it ugly horned head. It's like a devil resting on your shoulder and stabbing at your head while the angel(Common sense) is nowhere to be found. Be careful is all i warn you.

Words are as painful as a cut

2008-06-23T08:56:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel your a Hypocrite. Well when i read my stories i feel like i am just as bad as them. When i call someone a slut i almost cry at my own self pity. When i cut myself i only feel save in my skin. I feel like when i wrote slut into my thigh i was lying at the time but now i know i am telling the truth i can't help but want to cover it so quickly if anyone even caught a glimpse. There's also the words 'bitch' and 'whore' Both of which make me crying in pain. Why do i feel this why and mock the others.

Sexual orientation(s)

2008-06-07T15:42:00.000-07:00

i know what i am and i know the basic you know Homosexual, Transsexual, Hetrosexual, And bisexual (what i am but i was looking up Sexual orientation and found that there are more then i first thought why don't you check it out i know i will....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_orientation

Statues

2008-06-07T14:53:00.000-07:00

Forever Marilyn A statue that is in downtown Stamford were i live. It is a beauty really...Tell me what you think ....An woman of great beauty-It really does look like her it is amazing....

if you want to know more about Marilyn Monroe: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marilyn_Monroe

june 1st

2008-06-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'm bored and tired and i just remembered i know how to play guitar. It's realy awesome and i want to show you it would you mind. i look a hott mess so don't be like eww or no flamers please...

rerun

2008-05-31T20:41:00.000-07:00

you know how sometimes you really just want to watch something new and you end up watching the same show you know the words too. That happens alittle too much. i know the words to everything i've watched the past hour. God help me?

misunderstood

2008-05-31T17:02:00.000-07:00

There's always something that gets misunderstood
There's always someone to say something and do something else
There's always a backstabber inside of you.
There's always a dirty task that needs to me done.

And where all of this is found you can find me.
Hiding in the shadows in my emo state.
Sitting on the floor-Being misunderstood.
Am i the only who fells this way?

Why?

2008-05-26T15:38:00.000-07:00

why If you want to be one way. You get pulled into another?

Why if you want one friend. You never stay friends til the end?

why when one door closes. Somehow another opens?

Why do we ask some many questions. And noone ever answers them?

Introduction

2008-05-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

This is a personal page where i can write whatever the fuck i want no questions asked. I'm down to earth no hold bars. All i write is the bare naked truth in my opinion...You got a problem then write about it but not to me-I'm the original SaVvY sWeEt and I'm read to rock your little (now) Twisted minds